I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
