So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
