allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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