Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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