i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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