Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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