i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
