Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my shit smells like andre
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
