She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
