I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
