READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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