can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I party with great urgency now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
