she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
