You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
