Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
