this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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