At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
