Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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