yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
