we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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