Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
