Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
