Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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