at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
