when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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