I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
