Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
