Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
