i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
