Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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