I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
