I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
