How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
