When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
