He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize