Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
