my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
