I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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