it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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