ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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