She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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