My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
