I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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