Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
