this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this will be a night to untag.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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