Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
