It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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