I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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