i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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