He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
