I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
