i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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