im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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