Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
