is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
