Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
