actually, I'm a sock model
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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