i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
