I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
