Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
