I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
