I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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