The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
