Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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