How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Shame is for Republicans.
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