Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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