Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
