mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
