Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
