dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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