so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
