It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
