fuck your aforementioned shoe
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
