I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
