Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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