It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
