After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize