he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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