he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
