What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
