Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize