Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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