tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
