She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the liver wants what the liver wants
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
