Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize