so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
