??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
