It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
