Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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