She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
