I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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