I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
