Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so let's talk penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
