I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
