i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
