SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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