Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
