i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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