Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
