# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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