Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
