on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
