He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
