Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
