Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Two words: nipple clamps
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